How about those less obvious warning signs? The ones that aren't bright yellow with an exclamation point through them. You know what I'm talking about, they're those little subtle changes it's easy to overlook, like when the gas gauge drops below 1/4 of a tank and you decide to drive past the gas station because it's raining, or your significant other tells you (s)he's "fine" and you know it's not but decide to accept "fine" as an answer. Eventually, if you ignore the signs long enough, something bad is bound to happen. Most often, the "warnings" that we choose to ignore are those that our body is sending us (like a sniffle) until they become bigger issues (like a nasty cold or, worse yet, pneumonia).
That's what's happened to me lately. I've been under a lot of stress from a lot of different forces, and my body's tried to tell me to slow down, but like most of us I've ignored it. I mean, come on, in this day and age, who am I kidding, stress is a part of everyone's life, and we all just deal with it.
Unfortunately for me, when I'm stressed, my body likes to attack me, literally...
In high school when things got stressful, I noticed that I had a very flaky scalp, which I attributed to dandruff and bought some Selson Blue and "sucked it up." When the flakes started creeping out to my face, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with seborrheic dermatitis. It's similar to dandruff and is a way that one's body can react to being stressed over a period of time. So, I found some outlets to help me "de-stress," used some prescription shampoo to get things under control, and things improved.
I actually did pretty well controlling my stress the first two years of college, but Junior Year it hit me. There was boy trouble, the classes were HARD, and I felt I was being pulled in many directions. When I got home from choir tour that year my mom walked past the chair I was sitting in and did a double-take. I had BALD SPOTS - 3 of them. Two were the size of a quarter, and the third the size of a half dollar, running down the center of the back of my scalp. (Kudos to my roomies then boyfriend now husband G, who, upon our return to college, said to me "I noticed them when I was sitting behind you in the van, but I thought it was because you were getting older, I mean, look at my receding hairline"). The diagnosis - alopecia areata, a condition where, because of stress, you lose your hair. Essentially, my white blood cells started attacking my hair folicles. Here's the scary part, the folicle is the area that contains the pigment...and if left go too long, the pigment will be gone and any hair that grows back will be WHITE - can you imagine white streaks in my dark hair? Fortunately, after a few cortizone shots, the hair started to grow back. Once again, I vowed that I'd find ways to keep my stress level under control, and went on my way.
In the 15 years since I've graduated, I've had recurrences of both the dermatitis and the alopecia. But, I've been pretty good about paying attention to the warning signs and have noticed my hair falling out, or the flakes creeping past the hairline, before they've gotten really bad. Yes, I've had a few more cortizone shots, and have an alignment of flake-fighting shampoos in my shower, but in all things have been okay.
Back in early August, I noticed a discoloration on the bridge of my nose. I wasn't too alarmed (well, except for when one of my co-workers jokingly told me it was an age spot), so when the dermatologist couldn't see me for 6 weeks, it didn't bother me. In late August I noticed two more spots on my forehead, so a friend of mine suggested I change my skincare routine, just in case it was a reaction to what I was using. I did, and instead of it going away, I noticed another spot on my cheek, so I was glad to finally see the doctor on Monday morning.
When my doctor walked in the room the first thing that she asked me (actually, I guess it was the second thing, the first was to ask how my cousin, who she knows from med school, was) was if I had had a lot of sun exposure this year. Um, hello???? I'm an accountant, we don't have time for such frivolous things like going outside in the sun. Just kidding, kind of, but no, I hadn't had excessive amounts of sun. And, when I am outside for a period of time, I am really good about wearing sunscreen and a hat.
Once she ruled out the sun, the next thing she asked me was if I had a lot of headaches? Anyone who's worked with me knows I carry around the super sized bottle of Excedrine Migraine, so the answer to that was a YES. Follow up questions: Are they like migraines? Have they become more frequent? Yes to both. How about my hair, am I losing it? Not in patches. Is it getting thinner? Yes. How long has the dermatitis been creeping onto your face and in your eyebrows? Quite a while, likely for about a year. Within 5 minutes of walking in the door, my doctor had diagnosed me with a condition called Melasma. Ironically, it's nickname is the "Pregnancy Mask" because it's seen most in pregmant women, because it's related to hormone changes. Unless there's a second coming of the Messiah, that is CLEARLY not the reason I'm getting these spots.
Because of my history, I had some bloodwork done yesterday to see if my Pituitary or Thyroid gland is out of whack, as that would be a reason for both the Melasma and the Alopecia. In case anyone's wondering, yes, stress can impact either of those glands. So now, it's wait for the results of that to see if I need to get that fixed.
In the meantime, I have two prescription creams (one for the flakes and the other for the spots) that I use every night. It's also become quite clear that I need to find ways to destress.
There are some things that I can't change, such as the medical problems of my family and some good friends. Those things I must leave in the hands of a higher power, and pray that he helps me to know what I can do to help these people, as well as to give them (and me) the strength to make it through the hand that's been dealt. As for work, that's one of those things where the stress level comes and goes with deadlines, just like it does for everyone else. Once I make it through this next deadline, things will be much calmer. Honestly, while it does get stressful at times, I actually like my job, which not everyone can say. Knowing there's an end in sight helps, along with making sure I take a little time each night to do something just for me, either to blog, read, or meditate. There are a few other stressors, not related to family, work, or friends, that I'm not going to go into here, other than to say that some people who discount me because I have opinions that they don't like, but at the same time expect me to help make them look good to others and also to help them achieve what they want financially. Perhaps it's time to purge these people from my life and go somewhere where I'm respected and appreciated.
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